Dear Body,

First of all I'd like to apologize for writing so many letter form posts. Kay here goes.... I would really appreciate it if you could please give it up with the whole no respiratory immune system. We were perfectly healthy for 20 years and now we get bronchitis/nasty head colds at the drop of a hat. I'm literally sick about it and don't appreciate feeling like death warmed up. I acknowledge that some additional vitamins and sleep could be useful. However, you're not really pulling your weight either. Please try harder.

x
j

bit disappointing, don't you think?

Dear GG,

I waited all summer and wrote a blog for that? (actually 2 blogs) While the scenes involving Chuck and Blair were mildly amusing I was a bit disappointed with the rest. I don't know what to say about the Serena - daddy situation and why do we have so many imposters pretending to be people they aren't? Wasn't Georgina/Sarah enough? Hopefully you'll get better. As Bridget Jones says, "Please behave better in future." We don't want a repeat of the OC season 3 failure.

xo

j

p.s. Mad props to Jenny the money has done you well.

22 hours and counting

In precisely 22 hours and 5 minutes I will be enjoying a much missed past time called watching gossip girl. Season 3 looks killer and I can't wait. Hilary Duff, girl from Reba and new hot step brother. I'm super excited, plus a dose of chuck and blair - my fave! Unfortunately my car has decided to be sick and so I will be viewing it at my bro's and missing my friend hol's premiere party, since I have to get my car fixed. Yuck! But, not even that can dampen my excitement.

xoxo

j

Rexy Sexy

I'm visiting the town of Rexburg, Idaho where I went to college and my bestie Em lives. The only thing that would have made this better is if our other bestie Holly could have come. We've already gone to dinner at one of our fav places, driven around a bit, talked about how crazy the roads are, attempted to go to a party full of frosh and quickly left then drank dc late into the night while watching girl flicks and chatting. Today we're visiting the campus and going into the nearest actual city. Can't hardly wait!

x
j

2nd job ?!?

So I like to pretend that I don't but I actually love being psychotically busy. The last year of my life is the first time in about 5 years I didn't have two jobs. Well, actually the 4 hour a day commute was kind of like a part time job. So I've been in SLC for a month and am going crazy with how little I have to do. I thought about getting a more intense teaching job and then after the interview from hell, decided i'd rather just have two medium intensity jobs. I interviewed with Huntington Learning Center on Saturday and they gave me the job on the spot. I'll be tutoring SAT/ACT prep, working 20 hours a week and stocking all the money away to travel the world next summer. (Well at least Europe) Anyone want to join me? I'm thinking Greece, Italy and the Czech Republic. Oh good?

x
j

Em and Fam

My bestie Em is on her way here right now from San Diego and I'm super excited to see her! I went and stayed with her at her family's house a couple of weeks ago and they liked me so much that she, her brother, and her mom are coming to stay at my house on their way up to BYU-I. Honestly they're probably the coolest family I know outside of my own. Oh good! Can't wait.

x
j

kicking into fall

So my favourite thing about fall? Besides leaves falling and driving through aspen grove it's def the clothes. By winter I'm sick of all the layers, spring just isn't as much fun, summer stresses me out but fall is fun. All of the top labels seem to release the best clothes and we still look pretty with our residual tans. I went shopping tonight and bought 2 new pairs of boots, a black mid calf pair with straps and metal details and a cowboy inspired pair a titch higher. Soooooo... cute. Can't wait to wear them with a fresh pair of skinnies and some cute new fitted plaid shirts from Forever 21. Now only if the weather would cool down a bit.

xoxo

j

a little letter to leighton

dear leighton,

I feel like sometimes you try to look the opposite of blair wahldorf and i'm hear to tell you bad choice. she is fabulous, what's the point in playing a super bitchy super rich girl with a fabulous fashion sense if we don't learn anything from her. let me give you a little tip ..... it would help you from landing on the worst dressed pages. mmmmm kay? i do have to give you props for 1/2 of your most recent photo shop in harpers. i'm not really sure what the old lady pictures are all about, you're 20 and when you're 80 you'll probably care if you're getting old. i know you don't think you will now but you will. heck i'm 25 and worrying about wrinkles. but all that aside i still love you and can't wait to see you at your premiere in 11 days. that's right i'm definitely counting down to interaction between you and that mother chucker. (p.s. favourite thing you've ever said as blair) k love you.

xoxo

j

CrAzY for cupcakes

So, did you know that in salt lake alone there are 5 cupcake shops? Not bakeries, cupcake places. I was driving through Sugarhouse today and saw out of the corner of my eye a cute pink shop called Mini's Cupcakes and Cafe. I did a full u turn and walked right in for a little slice of heaven. The bakery is painted all pink inside with an old, yet gorgeous glass case displaying miniature (hence the name) cupcakes of all flavours and icings, about 30 in total. I went for the diva, a chocolate cupcake iced with a dollop of pink cream cheese frosting and a disc of chocolate to top it off. It was the prettiest and yummiest thing I've tasted in a while, (sorry Sweet Tooth Fairy Bakeshop, I'm completely cheating on you, and I like it!) It reminded me of when Carrie gets the Vera Wang and says it kicked her sweet little vintage dresse's a**. NEWS FLASH: I didn't even like cupcakes until recently. Literally out of the box can frosting cupcakes don't even tempt me. Like I never want one. So now I'm thinking I want to learn to bake them. Does anyone know of a cupcake baking class? I need a new hobby...... obviously.

500 days of summer

So I saw a really poignant movie about boy meets girl and how things don't always work out the way they should or the way we want them too. How life gets really complicated when two people try to merge their lives, especially when one person makes selfish choices. It was oddly comforting - knowing that we can plan and hope and things still fall apart. That when they do we can pick ourselves up ...... eventually. A quote that really hit me was the part where the main character's sister says to him, "I know you think she was the one, but I don't. Next time you look back, I think you should look again." I think we paint murals of daisies and sunshine when reflecting on past relationships and forget the weeds and rain clouds. Those oversights make it really hard to move on. It's also very coincidental D and I spent 500 odd days together.

b

Have you ever had a friend really let you down? I mean like earth shatteringly, heart breakingly let you down? I seem to be taking things a lot harder lately, I admit, but this most recent development came out of left field and really has me down. Most days i want to go to sleep and wake up in 5 years when my life has pulled it self back together. Oh.... if only. sending this out into the cosmic void that is blogger.

x jAx

kaprize - cupcakes!

So I was driving around looking for a nail salon to get a much needed pedicure, then what should I see but a little bakery called The Sweet Tooth Fairy's Bakeshop that my bff holls blogged about. So of course I stopped pulled over and got us both a "good job making it to friday" (although I'm not really sure I deserved one, since this week I've gone to the pool twice and watched half the season of the Bachelorette) lol! I got cupcake one chocolate with peanut butter frosting, and one chocolate with white cookies and cream frosting both with candy on top. Now only if em could be here with us.

lauren gets lowlights

I've been drowning in a pool of pity for long enough, so I'm moving on to topics that make me oh so happy, such as lauren conrad's desire to dye her hair brunette and join the crowds of girls gone brown in the latest addition of Harper's Bazaar. She looks absolutely gorgeous. Lucky beotch!

zip it up D

D wrote me a little email basically complaining about having to get a job and find a place to live with a pinch of poor me added in at the end "I just don't know how it's going to be easy, I guess I'll find a way though." Interpretation: You can't take care of me and I was planning on living off you for the rest of our lives since you're the responsible one in this marriage. 3 things i want to say about that a) I'm not your mom b) you're 29 and a grown up, get with the program c) my life isn't sunshine and daisies between deciding where to live and also having to get a job, oh and the little matter of picking up the pieces of my life since you've been abusing me for the last 3 years.

wilting

It was a rough day today. D left me this i love you email. Enough with it, I love you emails, I love you cards, I love you letters, I love you flowers. How bout, I love you so I don't abuse you? How bout them apples? Then i emailed him a sensible reply only responding to the practical parts of his email. Of course he reacted with his typical manipulation tactics, things such as you don't love me or miss me, enjoy your life in Phoenix without me. Seriously kid, how much enjoyment can I possibly have? You've literally ruined my life and left it in pieces. I called my friend Em to get some girl perspective and she said, "You can't be some damaged flower wilting in D's craziness, you're not that girl." She's right I'm not, I just feel an awful lot like that girl right now, then we planned a trip to cali and i'm all of the sudden feeling a whole bunch better. Sunshine, the beach and some long runs. Cali here I come. Thanks Em. <3>

falling

Yesterday I had to go and get the rest of my things from my flat. I live in London, well actually Brighton, did I mention that? Of course D is doing everything I ask and making a super big effort so I knew I'd have to be strong and stick to my guns about him not being there. He texted me and asked me if I was sure I didn't want to see him one last time, and this is when I watched a girl with the same chipped paint fingernails text him, "I'm sure". Literally out of body experience. I got there and found the two stuffed bears hanging out of the bag he had packed with all our stuff, hand picked flowers, a letter and our favourite song playing that D used to make up silly verses to. If you're wondering, it's "Just Like Heaven" by the Cure. I literally fell on the floor and cried for 30 straight minutes. Then I sat up, sat in front of my vanity and had some good old Blair Wahldorf style, self talk. "Pull your self together, Jacque, this is what he wants", I grabbed my things, left the bears and got on the bus. Even if we were going to get back together, him winning at this point would be bad, but since we're not it'd be bad for both of us. I think I'm finally learning, stick with my decisions, think things through, a good lesson for my new life.

Merging

It's been 7 days, 7 whole days, 1 week since I walked out on the life I've known for the past three years. What is this life you may ask? My marriage, my dependence on another human being, my identity. After bad behaviour that has gone on for much too long I followed through with the ultimate of ultimatums quickly packed my bags and walked out. As far as I'm concerned I hope I never come face to face with him again. It feels so good to be running but now I have to figure out, who am I, who was I and most importantly how I merge those two people into the person I am to become. I'll be blogging daily(much more doable than some paper diary) as I try and figure that out. Wish me luck.

x, jax