falling

Yesterday I had to go and get the rest of my things from my flat. I live in London, well actually Brighton, did I mention that? Of course D is doing everything I ask and making a super big effort so I knew I'd have to be strong and stick to my guns about him not being there. He texted me and asked me if I was sure I didn't want to see him one last time, and this is when I watched a girl with the same chipped paint fingernails text him, "I'm sure". Literally out of body experience. I got there and found the two stuffed bears hanging out of the bag he had packed with all our stuff, hand picked flowers, a letter and our favourite song playing that D used to make up silly verses to. If you're wondering, it's "Just Like Heaven" by the Cure. I literally fell on the floor and cried for 30 straight minutes. Then I sat up, sat in front of my vanity and had some good old Blair Wahldorf style, self talk. "Pull your self together, Jacque, this is what he wants", I grabbed my things, left the bears and got on the bus. Even if we were going to get back together, him winning at this point would be bad, but since we're not it'd be bad for both of us. I think I'm finally learning, stick with my decisions, think things through, a good lesson for my new life.